[智悲翻译]禅与心理分析的碰撞

Oscillations: Zen & Psycho-analytic Versions

PAUL C. COOPER

保罗•古柏

Paul C. Cooper, MS, NCPsyA is a member of the National Psychological Association for Psychoanalysis, training analyst, clinical supervisor and faculty of the Institute for Expressive Analysis; Former Board member and faculty of the Center for Spirituality and Psychotherapy; Advisory Board and Faculty Harlem Family Institute; Editorial Board: Groundwater: Journal of Buddhism and Psychotherapy. He is the author of poetry and numerous articles; recipient of the NPAP Ernest Angel Award for ‘‘Affects and Self States: A Case study on the Integration of Buddhist Analytic Meditation and Psychoanalysis.’’ His co-edited collection Psychotherapy and Religion: Many paths, One Journey is currently in press. Paul Cooper maintains a private practice in Manhattan.

作者简介:保罗•C•库伯,理学硕士,美国国家执业心理分析师,国家心理分析职业联盟会员,从事心理医师培训、临床指导等工作;同时也是表达分析学院的教员,精神与心理治疗中心前董事会成员和教员;哈莱姆家庭学院的顾问委员和教员;《潜流:佛教与心理治疗杂志》的编辑委员。他是诗人,也写了大量文章,并以“影响与自我状态:佛教分析式静坐与心理分析的整合案例分析”一文获得国家心理分析职业联盟Ernest天使奖。他与别人合编的一本有关《心理治疗和宗教信仰:殊途同归》即将出版。他在曼哈顿有一家私人诊所。

Abstract: The author provides a personal and experiential account of Zen Buddhism and psychoanalysis. The notion of oscillations serves as an organizing structure. Drawing from the British psychoanalyst Wilfred Bion and the American Zen teacher Robert Aitken, the notion of suffering, meaning here to permit, is considered as the central motivating force and organizing principle for both disciplines. As a critique of traditional psychoanalytic writing an ‘‘experiment in dialogue’’ is offered that draws from a variety of writing styles including prose, poetry, free- association, stream of consciousness, traditional teaching stories and case material to discuss various experiential states such as linearity, circularity, resistance, ambivalence, passion, rage and the potential for a mutually supportive dynamic between Zen and psychoanalysis.

摘要:作者描述了有关佛教禅修和心理分析的个人经验性观点。碰撞(Oscillation)的概念起到组织全文结构的作用。根据英国心理分析师威尔弗雷德•比昂(Wilfred Bion)和美国禅修老师罗伯特•艾特肯(Robert Aitken)的观点,所谓的承受(此处意为“认可”)认为是两方(心理分析和禅修)的核心驱动力量和运作规律。作为一篇传统心理分析的评论文,此处写了一个“对话试验”, 作者借鉴了一系列的写作手法(包括散文、诗歌、自由联系、意识流、传统教育故事和案例资料),目的是为了探讨不同的经验状态,譬如线性,环性、抗拒、矛盾、激情、愤怒,以及探讨禅修与心理分析之间的相互支持的潜在性。

KEY WORDS: psychoanalysis; Zen, Buddhism; Wilfred Bion; Robert Aitken; meditation; poetry.

关键词:心理分析;禅修,佛教;威尔弗雷德•比昂;罗伯特•艾特肯;静坐;诗歌

 

Introduction

引言

This article is an experiment in dialogue that integrates the languages of self-reflection, personal history, free-association; the unique languages that develop between analyst and analysand; mystical languages, such as the enigmatic Zen dialogue and the rich poetic that has evolved out of Zen. The notion of oscillations provides a loose structure.

本文是一个对话试验,文章中综合了自省、个人经历、自由联系的语言方式;分析师和分析对象之间独特的语言方式;以及像深奥的禅宗对话和由禅演化而来的含义丰富的偈语这样的神秘语言方式。碰撞的概念(为文章)提供了一个松散的结构。

Involvement in Buddhist study and practice, for me, has been an ongoing series of oscillations occurring with variations in pitch, speed, depth and intensity. Initially, I would touch Buddhism lightly, let it touch me, and bounce away. These encounters occurred years apart. These oscillations give the impression of straight lines leading nowhere, like so many new interests that one peeks into. Yet, like deeply planted seeds the oscillations remain buried and germinate out of sight until they sprout and blossom as they deepen, diminish and repeat. With deepening involvement micro-oscillations appeared woven into the fabric of wider arcs such as in the fluctuations in intensity, duration and frequency of sitting meditation. Over the years, I developed a daily practice of one or more forty-five-minute sitting periods. At times, I might stop practice, or I might notice a diminished intensity or a lack of clarity and focus. Enthusiasm would wax and wane. At some points during meditation sessions, I would simply notice time passing and play at day-dreaming to get through the boredom. At other points, states of timelessness would ensure.

对我来说,进行佛法的学习和修行是一系列正在进行的碰撞,这种碰撞随着程度、速度、深度和强度的变化而发生。一开始,我想接触佛法,让它触到我,然后又浅尝辄止。这些偶然的接触时断时续,历时持久经年。这些碰撞留下的印象犹如没有终点的直线,正如人们一次次尝试新的爱好。尽管如此,就像深植泥土的种子,这些碰撞的火花一直深埋于我内心,悄悄地萌发,直到它们破土而出和开花,随之逐渐深化、消失、再次出现。随涉入渐深,最初细微的心灵碰撞融入更广阔的弧,就像融入了专注、持久和频繁的经年静坐修行的波流。这么多年来,我渐渐形成了每日打坐的习惯,每天一座或几座,每座45分钟。有时我会中断练习,或者发觉自己的心静不下来,缺乏明晰或专注点,练习的热情也如月盈亏。在静坐的过程中,某些时刻我只是注意到时间的流逝,或者做个白日梦打发无聊时光。而在其余时间里,我肯定会达到失去时间概念的状态。

Psychoanalysis, on the other hand, despite periods of turbulence, has always felt steadier than my initial forays into Buddhism. Since my first encounter, I simply stayed with it with few interruptions. Thus, despite their presence, psychotherapy’s oscillations often remain unnoticed, unconscious, or evolve in arcs too wide to perceive close up. Yet, oscillations certainly do occur between hope and despair, feelings of fragmentation and wholeness, depression and elation, agitation and equipoise, to name a few.

从另一方面来看,尽管也有骚动不安的时期,但比起初入佛教,心理分析让人感觉更为稳定。自初遇佛法,我一直坚持着,只有偶尔的间断。因此,尽管心理治疗的碰撞存在,却未被注意和意识到,或者由于涉及面太宽广而没有一个明确的感受。尽管如此,在希望和失望之间、在支离破碎与整体的感觉之间、在沮丧与欢愉之间、在躁动与安宁之间,在诸如此类的情况下,碰撞必定会发生。

Oscillations draw momentum from both inner and outer sources. Most predominant were my longings that continue to consist of a bittersweet blend of wonder, doubt, passion, deadness, sadness, elation, joy, and pain. When attended to over time, both painful and joyous aspects of longings begin to exert a different kind of impact. They lose their threatening feel and paradoxically intensify adding energy, richness and meaning to life. They are no longer perceived as something dangerous and toxic. Rather, whatever emerges can be accepted. My deepest longings ultimately expressed a matter of life and death urgency. With passing time the resulting encounters began to touch an emerging gnawing desire to get at ‘‘the something’’ or ‘‘the nothing’’ inside of myself.

碰撞源自内外双重的动能。最明显的就是我内心的期盼,这些期盼一直是苦乐参半的“大杂拌”,它们由好奇万分、怀疑万端、热情洋溢、心如死灰、悲伤难过、得意洋洋、快乐愉悦和痛苦烦恼种种感受组成。随着关注时间的延长,内心期盼的痛苦和快乐两方面开始发挥不同的影响,它们失去了令人不安的感觉,看似相互矛盾但却给生活大大增添了能量、使生活丰富多彩并意味深长。它们看起来也不再危险和有害,相反,无论它们如何显现都能被接受。我内心最深处的期盼最终演化成对生与死的急切关注,随着时光流逝,必然的相遇开始触及一个新的抓挠着内心的愿望,想去了解内心的“有”或“无”。

 

Suffering

承受

Simply put, suffering motivated me to pursue Zen and psychoanalysis. It would be naive to suggest otherwise. Wilfred Bion notes that ‘‘There are patients whose contact with reality presents the most difficulty when that reality is their own mental state . . . The patient who will not suffer pain fails to ‘suffer’ pleasure’’ (1970, p. 9). For Bion, psychotherapy requires suffering the fact that pain exists for both self and other.

简而言之,痛苦驱使我致力于禅修和心理分析,如果说是其他原因就太幼稚了。威尔弗雷德•比昂特别指出:“有些患者的主要困难在于无法正视自己的现实精神状态···不愿意感受痛苦的患者也无法“感受”快乐。”对比昂而言,他认为心理治疗需要感受自他都存在痛苦这一事实。

Likewise, the Buddhist commitment to save all beings, acknowledges the suffering of both self and other. To suffer is to permit or to allow. The Zen teacher Robert Aitken writes that ‘‘Duhkha, the truth of suffering . . . is resistance to suffering. It is the anguish we feel when we don’t want to suffer’’(1994, p. 50).

同样地,佛教徒发愿要救度所有的众生,就是源于对自他痛苦的认知。承受意味着认同和允许。禅修老师罗伯特•艾特肯写到:苦,是感受的真理···是对痛苦对抗。苦就是如果我们不愿意感受时所体会到的痛苦。”

This constant, ambiguous ‘‘something inside’’ that I felt was, at the time, the best I could do to describe the nameless depths of my own suffering. ‘‘Something inside’’ perhaps serves as a compromise for what can and cannot be said about what might or might not be felt. The capacity for suffering, and even naming suffering, gets buried under layers of self-deception. This observation finds expression often enough, perhaps so often, that it reaches the point of meaninglessness. Overuse can strip language of its meaning and impact.

当时,我内心深处难以名状的感受只能用这种持续而又模糊的“内心的某种东西”来描述。“内心的某种东西”,姑且这么说,用来描述可说不可说的若有若无的感受。感受的能力,甚或是苦受,在层层自我欺骗下被葬送了。而这样的观察发现此时的语言陈述常常太多,多到了无意义的地步,因为过多地描述会使语言失去意义和影响力。

Whatever can be said about what might be numbed out and what might be felt becomes safely reduced to cliche. However, despite the many ways one might conceptualize, articulate, buffer or neutralize experience, suffering remains real. At stake is one’s capacity for experiencing suffering, which might or might not have been developed, derailed, damaged, deformed, interrupted or stalled. Suffering, when considered as permission, engenders a deepening into life, into our pains and our pleasures, our terrors and our delights. Numbing or nulling out our capacity to suffer our being human looms equally large to felt suffering. Do oscillations engender balance points between insensate mindlessness and exquisite mindfulness where the impacts of life can be felt, experienced, permitted, endured and allowed?

关于可能被忽视和可能被感受到的东西的任何说法都被归结为陈词滥调。然而,尽管每个人可以想象种种方法、表达、减少和抵消自己的体验,但感受却仍然是真实的。重要的是一个人承受痛苦的能力,这个能力已经或者还没有被发掘、脱节、损坏、扭曲变形、中断或延误。感受,当被认为是认同的时候,就会深入我们的生活、痛苦和愉悦、恐惧和快乐。麻痹或抹杀我们感受人生的能力在很大程度上等同于感受痛苦。碰撞混沌无知与正知正念之间找到了平衡点,并且人们在这一点上感觉、体验、认同、忍受和允许人生冲击吗?

Enlightenment cuts through suffering, not by numbing it out or by transcendence. Rather one strips away what might buffer or prevent suffering. My patient Anna, for example, stays in bed. She attempts to avoid the fear and pain of being in the world. She succeeds but misses her passing life. Her depression functions to buffer what she might otherwise suffer. Anna lives at the perimeter of literal life and death, and she misses the wide-awake dream called life. Analysis, for Anna, becomes a process of waking up to herself, her pains, and her joys. Zen and psychoanalysis both acknowledge that being wide-awake, fully permitting the experience of life and enduring its impact, remains a constant struggle.

开悟截断了感受之流,并非由于对感受麻木或超越了感受,而是由于开悟者去除了抵消或防止感受的东西例如,我有个卧床不起的病人叫安娜,她试图避免活在世上的恐惧与痛苦;她成功了,但同时却错过了所度过的人生时光。她的抑郁抵消了她本来可以感受到的东西。不夸张的说,安娜活在生死的边缘,她错过了清醒的梦想——生活。为安娜做心理分析,其实就是一个唤醒她的过程,唤醒她的痛苦、她的快乐!禅修和心理分析都认为,保持清醒并完全认同生活的体验、忍受生活的冲击,这些都需要持续地努力。

Each oscillation between wakefulness and unconsciousness penetrates consciousness much deeper and increases one’s capacity to endure and permit what needs suffering. One begins to see through the illusion and relinquish what need not be suffered. Scratching surfaces, digging deeper, hitting bedrock, one uncovers new surfaces to be worked with. The plunge into any spiritual practice contains both soft and rough edges, moments of equipoise and of chaos. Seemingly solid bedrock can fragment into smithereens in the constant come-together, break-apart life rhythms one inevitably encounters, whether suffered consciously or not.

在清醒与无意识状态之间的每个碰撞都深深穿透了意识,并提高了忍受和认同感受的能力。它使人开始看穿幻象并放弃不需要感受的东西。先轻轻揭开表面,然后慢慢深入,到达根本,这就是人们揭开新事物面纱的方式。投入任何一种精神方面的实践,既有柔软的一面也有坚硬的一面,既有平衡的一面也有纷扰的一面。看起来,再坚固的根本也会在不可避免遇到的、不停分分合合的生命节律中碎为粉末,无论你是否能清醒地感受到。

Accounts of literal and psychological violence, chaos, horror and terror, fill both the Zen and psychoanalytic literature. Maiming, dismemberment, and disfiguration appear as common Zen themes that express the intensity of desire for Truth. A vignette from Keitoku Dentoroku (The Transmission of the Lamp) a classical collection of Zen koans typifies this theme: He [Shinko] went over there [Shorinji] and day and night beseeched Bodhidharma for instruction. The master always sat in zazen facing the wall and paid no attention to his entreaties. On the evening of December 9, heaven sent down a heavy snow. Shinko stood erect and unmoving. Toward daybreak the snow reached above his knees. The Master had pity on him and said, ‘‘You have been long standing in the snow. What are you seeking?’’ Shinko in bitter tears said, ‘‘I beseech you, O Master, with your compassion pray open your gate of Dharma and save all of us beings.’’ The master said, ‘‘the incomparable Truth of the Buddha can only be attained by eternally striving, practicing what cannot be practiced and bearing the unbearable. How can you, with your little virtue, little wisdom, and with your easy and self-conceited mind, dare to aspire to attain the true teaching? It is only so much labor lost.’’ Listening to the Master’s admonition, Shinko secretly took out his sharp knife, himself cut off his own left arm, and placed it in front of the Master. The Master recognizing the Dharma caliber, (Dharma being the Buddhist doctrine of the law of cause and effect, phenomena and things), told him, ‘‘Buddhas, when they first seek after the Truth, give no heed to their bodies for the sake of Dharma. You have now cut off your arm before me. I have seen the sincerity of your seeking.’’ (Shibayama, 2000, p. 287)

在禅宗和心理分析文献里,有很多有关暴力、困扰、害怕和恐惧的书面和心理学报告。残缺、割裂和缺陷是一般禅宗主题文章里经常看到的几个词语,它们从某个侧面表达了追求真理意愿的强烈程度。《传灯录》记载了很多禅宗公案,其中有个经典的场景:慧可大师到少林寺之后,白天黑夜都想得到达摩祖师的指导。但达摩祖师却面壁静坐,根本不理睬他的请求。当时正值严冬,在十二月九日那天,天上下起了鹅毛大雪,慧可大师却在雪中静静伫立,直到天光破晓,此时雪已没膝。达摩祖师心生怜悯,于是问他:“你已经在雪中立了很久,你想要什么?”慧可大师涕泪纵横地答道:“我祈请您给予指导,师父!请您大慈大悲为我开启佛法之门,救度我们这些无明众生。”达摩祖师说:“欲得佛陀无上之道,要经历长久苦行,行人所不能行、忍人所不能忍。凭你小小的德行和智慧,以你懈怠而傲慢的内心,岂敢来求此无上教授?徒劳无益而已!”听到祖师的呵斥,慧可大师悄悄拔出戒刀,毅然斩断左臂,供养于祖师之前。达摩祖师由此了知慧可大师堪为佛法的法器(佛法是佛教有关因果万法规律的学说),于是告诉他:“三世诸佛在因地追寻真理时皆为法忘躯,现在你为求法而断臂供养,我看到了你的真诚心。”

In his commentary on the text, Shibayama points out that: ‘‘The above account is not in accordance with historically traceable facts . . . But the painful and desperate struggle in seeking after the Truth, even at the risk of one’s own life, is not a mythological fabrication by an old Zen Master. He who has experienced the same pain and hardship in really seeking the Truth cannot read just lightly as an old story’’ (Ibid., p. 287).

柴山(Shibayama)对此评论道:“以上这段记录与有据可查的历史事实有所出入·····,但痛苦而又顽强地追寻真理,即使付出生命的代价亦在所不惜,并非一位老禅师的无稽之谈。为追寻真理而经历了如此的痛苦与艰难困苦的人,不能仅仅把他看作一个古老的传说。”

The snow of Shorin is stained crimson,

Let us dye our heart with it

Humble though it may be. (Ibid.)

少林的雪被鲜血染红,

让此血染的红雪染红我们的心,

即使这颗心如此卑劣。

 

Poetic Expression

偈颂(译者注:佛教的诗即称为偈颂。)

Poetry constitutes an important aspect of the Zen religious literature. Lucien Stryk notes that: ‘‘Appealing directly to one’s feeling and volition, as poetry in general does, Zen poetry is more likely than Zen prose to enable one to make the leap to the ultimate Truth. . .’’ (1973, p. xix).

偈颂是禅宗经典的重要组成部分。卢森·史翠克(Lucien Stryk)指出:“正如诗歌通常所体现出来的直接诉说内心的感受与意愿,禅宗的偈颂比散文更能帮助一个修行人达到究竟的证悟······”

In the context of seeking and suffering, Zen poets frequently speak of ‘‘void-splitting,’’ ‘‘earth smashing to smithereens,’’ ‘‘thunder and lightening,’’ ‘‘ocean beds aflame,’’ ‘‘swallowing molten iron balls, that cannot be spit out’’ to describe the experience of Zen practice and awakening. Muso, the 13th century Japanese Zen poet (1275–1351) writes:

在追寻与痛苦的背景下,禅宗的诗人们经常说“虚空粉碎”、“大地平沉”、“电光石火”、“劫火烧海底”、“如吞了个热铁丸相似,吞亦不得,吐亦不得”等等,来描述禅宗的修行和开悟。十三世纪的日本禅宗诗人梦窗(Muso)这样写到:

Vainly I dug for a perfect sky,

Piling a barrier all around.

Then one black night, lifting a heavy

Tile, I crushed the skeletal void! (Stryk and Ikemoto, 1991, p. 24)

我徒劳地寻求完美的天空,

在周围围上栅栏,

然后一个黑漆漆的夜,

我举起了沉重的砖,

打碎了虚空的骨头!

 

Resistance

对抗

One might attribute the ‘‘out’’ aspect of the experience of oscillations to resistance. A path taken becomes the many roads not taken. Resistance to what is known can become an opening to what remains unknown. Resistance as pure energy, accumulated, and stored, provides the force for smashing through the bedrock of reified states of self-deception. Regardless of the choice of description, either as resistance, momentum building, or one of an infinite number of permutations inclusive of both, oscillations continue.

可能有人把碰撞体验的“外”特性归因于对抗。所选的途径变成未选的众多道路。与已知事物的对抗可能会变成通往未知事物的开始。对抗是一种积累贮存的纯粹能量,它为粉碎自欺具体状态之根本提供动力。不论如何描述,作为对抗或动能集合体,或者两者无穷数量排列中的一个,振荡继续发生着。

Time passes, practice continues; Buddhism and psychoanalysis converge, diverge, overlap, dovetail, dissolve and intertwine. Practice engenders shifts in awareness and relatedness to self and other. Self might be taken more or less seriously, others more or less separately, depending on one’s shifting perceptual vantage point.

时光流逝,实践持续进行,佛教与心理分析聚合、分开、重叠、吻合、解离和纠结。实践促使对自他的认知和关联发生转移。自我可能被加强或削弱,他人也变得或远或近,这取决于一个人观点的认知性转变。

 

Ambivalence: Linearity—Circularity

矛盾:线性——环状

Ambivalence, in light of Buddhist and psychoanalytic process, contains both rough and soft edges from mild confusions to deep splits that cut through and divide one’s very core of being. Ambivalence presents itself as imperceptibly slowed-down oscillations which, at the extreme, freeze like a still-frame snapshot and crack at fault-lines. These cracks can expand into abysmal gaps of forbidding depth within the psyche. Psychoanalyst Melanie Klein (1935), for one, speaks graphically of splits between internal and external reality, creative and destructive forces, joy, horror, love and hate that derail natural movements.

借助于佛法和心理分析过程,矛盾包括了粗糙 与柔和的边缘,从轻度迷惑到深度分裂,这样的分裂割开并分隔人的的真正核心。矛盾表现极为细微减慢的碰撞,在极端情况下,它会凝固起来如同一张画面静止的快照相片,或者是断层处的裂纹。这些裂纹最后会在精神世界里扩展成深不可测的巨大鸿沟。心理分析师米兰妮·克莱恩(Melanie Klein)生动地讲述了种种分裂,譬如内部现实与外部现实、创造性与破坏性力量、愉悦与恐惧、爱和恨等等,这些情况已经脱离了自然运行轨迹。

In my practice, psychoanalysis and Zen express, become part of, and further natural rhythms. The movements charted by Zen/psychoanalytic oscillations weave together both linear and circular elements, as the ongoing expanding and contracting timelessness of the moment becomes momentous in one’s experience of it.

在我的实践当中,心理分析和禅修推动了自然节律,也变成了其中的一部分。由禅修/心理分析振荡所引发的各种运动将线性和环性元素交织在一起,就像正在扩展和收缩的刹那永恒性,当人们体验它时变得很重要。

Without disregarding the reality of ambivalence, oscillations between the linear and the circular seem inevitable, normal, necessary aspects of being when not derailed. The natural circularity of life becomes revealed in oscillations. Many forms of circular movement exist: spiralings between definite and infinite that express inner, outer and in-between rhythms; breathing which reveals recurring thought patterns, transference-generated repetition compulsions; the cycles of seasons and tides; the endless rounds of chanting, bowing, and sitting meditations. There is the circular movement of patient and therapist in recurring sessions, the dynamic dramas of transference and countertransference, the emotional unfoldings as patient and therapist endure together the passing days, months and years. Seekers, patient and therapist alike, begin again and again each year, each term, each week, each day, each moment in both real and phantasy time in patterns of circularity that crystallize in both the familiar and unfamiliar and then once again dissolve.

不需要忽视矛盾的现实,线性与环状之间的碰撞似乎是人类没有脱离正常轨道时不可避免、正常且必要的方面。生命的自然循环在碰撞中得以显示。有很多类型的循环运动存在:表达内、外、中节律的有限与无限间的盘旋上升;揭示循环性思维模式及迁移所生重复强迫的呼吸;季节与潮汐的周期循环;一遍遍无尽的唱诵、顶礼和静坐。患者与医师间的环状运动,在一次次会面中、在迁移与反迁移的动态剧本中、生在患者于医生共同的情感演变中度过日日、月月和年年。在循环模式的真实与理想中,探索者如患者与医师般,每年、每期、每周、每天、每个刹那都在一次又一次地开始。在熟悉与陌生之间结晶,然后再次溶解。

 

The Zendo

禅堂

One point along the path of Zen practice that ups the intensity of one’s involvement with oscillations of larger than life proportions occurs during sesshin or silent Zen retreat. This point, if we were to magnify it, reveals micro-oscillations within a framework not unlike the passing of day and night in the larger flow of changing seasons.

在摄心或静默禅修期间,有个点会出现。这个点伴随着禅修之路,反映了涉入大于生命规模的振荡的强度。如果我们能放大它,可以揭示出一个体系框架内部的微小振荡,不是不像季节变迁洪流中的日夜流逝。

Sesshin takes place in the Zendo. This space is decorated with only the essential ritual items: a minimal altar, a Buddha, flowers, a candle, and an incense burner. The Zendo feels clean and sparse but not lacking. Round black zafus (cushions) for sitting lay atop larger square cushions and line the Zendo hall in neat orderly rows. Many of these ritual items reflect a Spartan parsimony and an efficiency of purposeful management. A bell signals the beginnings and endings of meditation periods. Wooden clappers signal the retreat participants to stand up, to walk, and to sit again.

在禅堂里面进行摄心。这个地方仅仅装饰了一些基本的宗教仪式所需的物品,包括一个小型祭坛、一尊佛像、花、一只蜡烛和一个香炉。禅堂感觉起来很干净利落而又空旷,但没有任何不足。黑色的圆坐垫放在一个更大的正方形坐垫上,整整齐齐地一行行排列在禅堂里面。这里的很多宗教物品反映了斯巴达式的简约和目标管理的效率。有只小钟在每一次打坐的开始和结束时会响起,而打板的声音则指示(静坐中)禅修者起立、走动和再次坐下。(译者注:打板,是禅修期间用于指示时间或开始做某件事的信号,具体方法是由某个人在特定时间用木槌敲击一块木板,发出当当的声音。)

In a recalled memory of a Zen retreat, I enter and feel anxious. The structure evokes unpleasant memories. Perfectly lined up, the zafus remind me of elementary school chairs in rows, nailed to the classroom floor. I remember rigid over-regimentation, corporal punishment, grim-faced nuns. The lack of spontaneity in the classroom of my memory engenders deadness. Feelings of ridicule and humiliation douse my nascent creative sparks. Sadism reigns in the form of excessive punishment witnessed by peers and rationalized as sound discipline. Sadism engenders shame and destroys emerging glimpses of self. These long repressed memories return to me during extended periods of zazen. I begin to see how they color my present landscape.

我回忆起来,在一次禅修期间,我进入房间,同时感到很紧张。里面的结构唤起了不愉快的记忆。整整齐齐的坐垫使我想起小学学校里整整齐齐固定地板上的凳子,我想起严格的组织管理、体罚、冷着脸的修女们。在我记忆里,教室里没有一点让人感觉自然的地方,这使我灰心丧气。嘲笑和耻辱的感受熄灭了我最初创造性的火花。同伴们有目共睹的虐待成了过度体罚的方式,被合理化为严格的纪律。虐待狂导致了耻辱,并毁坏了正在出现的自我窥视。在随后的坐禅期间,这些长期被压抑着的记忆回到我的脑海,我开始观察它们如何漂染我现在的内心景象。

In the Zendo, a monk circles the hall periodically offering to relieve tense backs and shoulders by striking the meditator with a hardwood stick. Initially, I wince and my body shakes in response to the cracking sound. This stick used to release tension is so reminiscent of the stick of my early memory used to punish. I think to myself: ‘‘Why do I put myself in this horrific situation?’’ Old coping mechanisms that helped me survive elementary school become activated. My mind shifts out of the present, to fantasies, and daydreams. Dissociated mind states follow. I feel rebellious. These feelings become an obstacle that gets worked out through Zen practice and deeper familiarity with the process and the structure.

在禅堂里静坐时,有位出家人定期巡视,并时常以香板(译者注:香板是常见的禅堂工具,是一片大约一米多长的薄木板,用于惩罚或提醒禅修者。)拍打哪些肩背部过于紧张的禅修者,使其放松。一开始,听到香板的啪啪声,我有点害怕,身体开始摇晃起来,因为提醒禅修者放松的香板让我回想起小时候被体罚时用的木板。我不禁想到:“我为什么把自己弄到这个可怕的地方来?”我不禁又开始使用那个帮助我熬过小学痛苦的方法,我的思想从现实飘向幻想和白日梦中,这种脱离状态一直持续着。我感到内心的叛逆。这些感觉变成了我禅修的障碍,并深化了对这个过程和结构的熟悉程度。

Psychoanalytic formulations provide meaning for these dynamics, detailing names and faces as internal object relations as they become conscious. My early experiences in the parochial school engendered anxiety. These early anxieties became unconsciously reified and created fixation points that, in psychoanalysis, become activated along with associated self states in similar circumstances.

当它们浮现在脑海里时,心理分析公式将这些动态、详细的名字与面孔规定为内在客体联系的意义,当它们浮现在脑海里时。小时候在教会学校上学时,痛苦的经历使我产生了焦虑。这些小时候的焦虑下意识地实体化了,并且产生了固着点;从心理分析的角度来看,当处于类似的环境中时,这些固着点伴随着相关自我状态一起被激活了。

In the Zendo, I find myself feeling like the frightened child anticipating a thrashing with a stick. My body becomes tense and my posture rigid as I sense the monk slowly approaching. As he passes, I feel relief. Through deeper awareness and involvement with these feelings, unconscious aspects are exposed. Reactions, formerly blind, once revealed, can be questioned, examined.

在禅堂里,我发现自己就像一个受了惊吓的小孩,感觉随时都可能会被用木板抽一顿。当我感到师父走近时,我的身体就开始紧张,姿势也僵硬起来。当他走过去了,我马上就感到很释然。我从内心深处观察这些感受,发现了其无意识的根源。一旦揭开了这个秘密,就可以对一开始的盲目反应进行质疑和观察。

However, when not fully conscious of these processes, I remain caught in an identification between the Zendo and the parochial grammar school. Despite years of analysis, initially, I am caught and I don’t know it.

然而,当还没有完全认识这些心理过程时,我仍然被牵绊在对禅堂和教会语法学校的分析辨别之中。尽管当初分析了好多年,我仍被牵绊而不自知。

With continued practice and deepening familiarity with both inner experience and external structure juxtaposed, the Zendo space and the discipline of sitting evolves into a holding environment that makes it possible for me to do everything I am there to do. Incidentals and concerns are taken care of through the structure of practice.

持续的禅修使我渐渐熟悉了内部体验和并列的外部结构,禅堂空间和静坐纪律变成可以掌握的环境,这使我渐渐自在起来。练习的组织结构关照了偶然事件和所担心的事情。

I feel like a spiritual fetus (seed) incubating (germinating) and held safely in the room (womb) of the Zendo. Can I ripen and bloom forth at my own pace in my own time? Will the retreat provide a viable option to the suffering-resistant cocoon-like skin wrapped tightly around my psyche? Eventually, it becomes clear to me that there is nothing parochial about the stick or the experience.

我感觉自己像一个精神上的胎儿,安住在禅堂子宫里,被精心地照料着,就像土壤里正在发芽的种子。我能否以自己的节奏来成熟和开花呢?我的内心犹如被紧紧包裹在蚕茧里,拒绝感受外部,禅修能否给这样的内心提供一条可行的出路呢?最终,我很清晰地了知这里根本没有教会学校的板子和体验。

 

Passion/Rage

激情/愤怒

The intensity of Zen practice both demands and engenders passion. Passion is primary, emerging from the heart-center, the rhythm of the heart, and from the heartbeat of psychic life. Buddhist cosmology describes passions in both the god realm and hell realm states and in both states of ecstasy and equipoise. In my experience, however, for the most part, Zen Buddhism does not deal fully with emotional life.

禅修的强度既需要激情也产生激情。激情很重要,它从心中央生起、从心的节律生起、从灵魂生命的心跳中生起。佛教宇宙学描述了天道和地狱道状态的激情,也描述了狂喜和平衡状态的激情。然而我的大部分体验里,禅宗并没有完全处理好情绪人生。

The Buddhist belief is that over-emphasis on emotional life will obscure realization of ultimate reality because the transient emotions such as anger, love, hurt, and envy, for example, are aspects of the phenomenal world or relative reality. The problem, as I see it, lies in an unhealthy avoidance or wholesale denial of the emotions and their significance for the internal world of the individual in regard to one’s relationship to self, to others and to practice. This relativizing tendency becomes one of degree. Neither over-indulgence nor denial of emotional life is tenable.

佛教认为过分强调情感生活会障碍对实相的认知,因为暂时性的情绪,譬如愤怒、热爱、伤害、嫉妒等都是现象界或相对真实的不同方面。我认为,这个问题是因为病态地避免、或者说整体性地否认情绪、以及否定情绪对个人内心世界中与自己、与他人、与禅修练习的关系的意义。这个相对化的倾向变成了等级之一。即不过分纵容、也不完全否定情绪才是可取之道。

Passion/rage permutations mark an experiential converging point between time spent on the zafu and time spent on the analytic couch. Through Zen I become sensitized to both subtle and powerful energies. Buddhists often view rage as reflecting separation, or unfulfilled longing. In terms of separation and union, what is the psychic distance between something being given, the promise of something happening, and something being taken away? Sometimes feelings of separation have to do with what we seek, especially during the experience of self-fragmentation and/or when the oneness of mystical union is imminent. When approaching the oneness of mystical union, passion evolves into compassion. Dissolved subject and object distinctions close the you/me gap.

激情/愤怒的置换标志着经验的聚集点,会合了在坐垫上花的功夫和在心理分析床上的功夫。通过禅修,我对微弱和强大的能量都很敏感。佛法将愤怒认为是隔绝或未达成期望的反应。提到隔绝与组合,给予、承诺做到某事与拿走之间的心理距离是什么呢?有时候,隔离的感觉要看我们在追寻什么,特别是自我分裂的体验和/或当神秘组合的统一性迫近之时。当靠近神秘组合的统一性时,激情演变为慈悲。主体与客体区别的消失填平了自己与他人之间的沟壑。

In Zazen, there is the promise of satori, connectedness with self, with other, with what is beyond self, with teachers, with Buddha. Through waiting, sitting, waiting, Zazen locates raw emotion, thought and sensation. In this experience, I feel rage bubbling over. I watch the volcanic eruption, watch myself, selves, and others as form melts, crystallizes, shatters in permutations of liquid psychic lava in an emotional upsurge and outflow. Passion swirls as forms and images spew forth. Multi-colored mind flowers blossom and melt away. Prolonged zazen builds the capacity for handling increasing intensities.

在坐禅中,你可能会开悟,连通了自、他、超我、师和佛。通过等待、入坐、等待,禅修发现了粗大情绪、思想和感觉的位置。在这方面的体验里,我感受到怒气从各个地方冒出来。我看着火山喷发,看着自己、自我、他人在情绪高涨外溢时,心理岩浆融化、结晶和粉碎。激情旋转着,就像形状和图像喷涌而出。多姿多彩的精神之花开放又凋零。长时间打坐使人有能力应付不断增加的强度。

In this zendo, I sit with rage and find myself opening into passion or perhaps passion opening into what I imagine is me. Can rage intensify and burn through enough of me to reveal itself as passion? Can I grow through rage, past rage’s destructiveness, until it transforms?

在这个禅堂中,我在愤怒中打坐,发现我自己通向了激情,或者是激情进入了那个想象中的自己。当我心中的愤怒加强和燃烧到足够程度,会不会就表现为激情?我能不能越过愤怒及其破坏性而成长、直到它转化?

I embrace the horror and disturbance of felt rage. I embrace the enlivening passion fires. I swallow fire and dream rainbows. Fire–pure energy—transforms into a multi-faceted gem, a spring cornucopia of blossoming psychic flowers.

我拥抱着恐惧和由于感受到愤怒的不安,拥抱着活跃的激情火焰。我吞下了火与梦的彩虹。纯能量的火焰转变成多面的宝石,一个盛开心灵鲜花的春天宝藏。

Rage is passion’s burning bush. The deadliness of rage can feed the aliveness of passion: raging passions, passionate rages. The rage feels tense, tight, my body, nerves, muscles, bones, joints constricted. The ache intensifies. Each heartbeat pulses through my body into my limbs, to the ends of my fingers and toes. My thoughts become simultaneously effusive and restricted. Oscillations spin out from feelings of hurt, indignation, disappointment, failed grasping. Tighter and tighter circles of thoughts and feelings spin around repetitive motifs.

愤怒是激情燃烧中的荆棘。愤怒致命性能够给激情的生存提供养料,即愤怒的激情、炽烈的愤怒。愤怒使人紧张和僵硬,我的身体、神经、肌肉、骨骼和关节都紧缩着,疼痛不断加强。每一次心跳似乎都传到了四肢,乃至手指和脚趾。我的思想变得既流散又约束。振荡从伤害、愤怒、失望以及失去掌控的感觉中回旋出来,围绕着重复的主题,思想和感觉绕的圈子越来越紧。

Yet, these tight qualities of rage reveal openings to passion. Beyond the dialectical tensions, pure energy evolves, permeating every cell and fiber of my being. The pure fluid energy of rage/passion, rises and subsides with varying proportions, differing degrees of intensity and color. When the tail of rage’s tiger is fully grasped and embraced, it becomes passion. Transformed rage becomes a lived passion for peace, for creature-comforts, for eros, sensate pleasures, connectedness, aliveness. In its variations, it may include a passion for music, writing, painting, creating and destroying. Rage transforms into orgasmic passions, kitchen-sink passions, dish washing activities, garbage collecting and removing. All of it!

然而,愤怒的这些坚固的品质打开了通向激情的通道。在辩证的紧张之外,纯粹的能量出现了,弥漫着我身体的每一个细胞、每一个纤维。愤怒与激情之纯粹能量流升起又消退,有不同比例、不同强度和特征。当愤怒之虎的尾巴被紧紧抓住和接受利用时,它变成了激情。愤怒转化成为活生生的激情,渴望和平、渴望物质享受、渴望爱、快乐、连通和活着。其他情况下,还包括对音乐、写作、绘画、创造和破坏的激情。愤怒转变成极度兴奋的激情、厨房水槽式的激情、洗碟子、垃圾清理和倾倒。全部都是!

Similarly, psychoanalysis gives meaning to bits and pieces of raw experience. Continued sitting in the ever-widening oscillations of both processes brings into the present situation an awareness of inner obstructions. In both cases, awareness dissolves rage, which, if suffered, transforms into passion.

类似的,心理分析给零零散散的原始体验赋予意义。持续处于日益增加的两个过程的振荡之中,使我现在开始注意到内心的障碍。在两个情况下,注意力都遣散了愤怒,而如果能感受到愤怒,愤怒就会转变成激情。

Passion, at best, becomes longing for union with the divine, with divine-lover, with the universe, with truth, life, death, and infinite moment. One may experience the depths of one’s own being as an intimate connection, what Zen describes as ‘‘the face before I was born.’’

充其量,激情会变成对与神、爱神者、宇宙、真理、生命、死亡和无限时刻结合的渴望。人们可能会体验到密切相关的自我深处,这就是禅宗所谓的“未生之前的面目”。

Psychoanalytic and Zen passions translate as passions that oscillate between work and play, love and hate, consuming and being consumed. Not only do they oscillate, they eventually transform play to work and work to play. Love and hate passions that formerly split asunder, dissolve andmerge.

心理分析和禅的激情转换为工作与娱乐、爱与恨、消耗或被消耗之间碰撞的激情。它们不仅碰撞,而且最终工作变成了娱乐、娱乐变成了工作。从前分开的爱与恨的激情,现在溶合为一体。

The oscillation between rage and passion and the potential for transformation pertains even to the death passions which find an epitome of artistic and spiritual expression in the highly regarded death poems of the great Zen masters. For example, Date-Soko (1089–1163) writes:

愤怒与激情之间的碰撞以及转变的可能性甚至属于死亡激情,在艺术与精神表达里发现了死亡激情的缩影,尤其在受到高度赞许的禅宗高僧有关死亡的偈颂里。譬如,大慧宗杲(1089–1163)这样写道:

Life’s as we

Find it–death too.

A parting poem?

Why insist? (Stryk and Ikmoto, 1991, p. 18)

生亦只恁么,

死也只恁么。

有偈与无偈,

是甚么热大?

The consequences of the synthetic process of oscillating dialectic can be far-reaching. The radical misguided Moslem Jihad represents a contemporary manifestation with horrific global implications at the crossroads of life and death. At the extreme, even misguided and malignant life and death passions might evolve in oscillations between collective turbulence and peace.

碰撞辩证法合成过程的后果可能有深远的意义。极端被误导的穆斯林圣战就是当代一个典型的证明,在生死交叉路口产生了可怕的广泛影响。在极端情况下,即使是误入歧途和恶性的生死激情也可能发展成共同的动荡与和平之间的碰撞。

Rage, in its raw form, expresses separation, subject and object disconnection, but also functions to maintain self/other distinctions. Dualistic thinking functions to split rage and passion creating and perpetuating a seemingly unbridgeable gap. Access to passion becomes lost. The multi-faceted gem that life can be becomes flattened and one-dimensional.

原始形态的愤怒代表隔离、主体与客体分离,同时也起到维持自他区别的作用。二元思维起到割裂愤怒与激情的作用,并使二者间产生了看起来永远无法逾越的鸿沟。靠近激情就变成了迷途。本来生命可以变成多面宝石,但现在却只有一个角度的平面了。

Oscillating through the terrain of the amorphous, intuitively felt Zen experience paired with the specificity of the psychoanalytic encounter has made me ever-conscious of the child who waits for his mother; the ideal mother who never comes, who promises to come, but fails, the mother who makes promises that she cannot keep. I imagine these as ‘‘womb promises,’’ shattered by a too-soon birth, an induced labor, a forced delivery. These failed promises, in the context of a child’s longings, become buried in bedrock as unremembered longings.

碰撞着穿越不确定地带,直观地感受到伴随着心理分析相遇特征的禅修体验,这使我一直感觉像一个等待母亲的小孩;但想象中的母亲一直没有来,虽然她说过要来,但没能来,她无法信守自己的承诺。我把这看作是“子宫诺言”,由于早产、引产和堕胎而粉碎了。对一个儿童来说,这些无效的诺言深深埋在心灵根本之处成为被遗忘的期盼。

When bedrock is shattered, these longings become pathways. What is Truth? Are these longings about motherly love, or the absence of it, from a mother who finds it impossible to hold her infant in her arms? Or is truth reaction formation and repressed passion/rage? Within me, oscillations range from fear to a wish to smash. What was it like to be my pregnant mother, to be pregnant with me, her son? What was it like to be the son within her womb?

当心灵根本粉碎时,这些期盼变成了道路。什么是真相?对母爱的渴望和缺失了母爱,都来自一位无法将自己的婴儿抱在怀里的母亲吗?真相是反应形成和压抑的激情/愤怒吗?在我心底,振荡的范围从害怕到希望再到粉碎。当我母亲怀着她的儿子——我时,她是什么样子呢?在她子宫里面的儿子又是什么样子呢?

Mother and son–one! What was it like to have the womb-son ripped away too soon? An infant ‘‘dropped’’ too soon by an induced labor bears the scar of the violence of a forceps-forced birth. Then, there is the ever-present reminder to the mother that her son was torn away. There is the inevitable fact that the son, in some way, knows of this wound through the eyes of the mother.

母亲和儿子浑然一体!将子宫里的儿子过早剥离出去会怎么样呢?用引产方法将一个胎儿迅速地从母体里“拉”出来,这个胎儿就会有用钳子压迫的暴力伤痕。而且,这也会一直提示着这位母亲,她的儿子被迫离开了。在某种程度上,她的儿子通过母亲的双眼知道了这一伤害是不可避免的事实。

Whose longings are these that I feel when plunging into abysmal emptiness and despair? Are these longings mine or hers? Or both? The memory-shattered aging mother of the present speaks poignantly and passionately to her son calling, ‘‘I miss my son, my son, my love.’’

当陷入无边无际的空虚和失望时,我所感觉的这些是谁的期盼呢?这些是我的期盼,还是她的期盼?亦或两者都是?现在被记忆所震惊的老母亲痛苦而热切地回应她儿子的呼唤:“我想我儿子,我最爱的儿子!”

Does the remembered and longed for promise of gratification, paired with the reality of brokenness and unavailable nourishment become the psychological palate from which present experience derives its color? Overlays of abyssal colors obscure the moment’s truth despite the suddenly emerging force of past memories. When pulling on the rage thread, passion unravels. When following the passion thread, what will one find? Psychoanalytically, I experience,

与碎裂的现实和不存在的营养并存的、记忆或者期盼中喜悦的承诺,是否变成了衍生当前体验色调的心理嗜好?不管突然出现过去记忆的力量,各种深深的颜色重叠起来遮蔽了这一时刻的真相。当用力拉起愤怒之线,激情就散开了。而追随着激情之线时,你会发现什么呢?我以心理分析的方式体验到:

Anger, fear, passion, from this couch

Looking up;

where a hungry dawn

swallows raging stars from an ink sky.

从这个沙发里仰望,

愤怒、恐惧、激情;

渴望的黎明

在墨染的天空中吞没了愤怒之星。

In the zendo, sitting still on my zafu, I reach the limits of what can be suffered. I am back to breathing and sitting, hearing the ringing bell, the wood block’s clap, up and slowly walking once again.

在禅堂里,静静地坐在坐垫上,我达到了所能感受的极限。我回到了呼吸和静坐,听着铃声响起,传来打板声,我站起来,再次慢慢经行。

From this zafu,

just past the open window,

between bare branches

the rising dawn sun shimmers

on a wind-rippled lake.

从这个坐垫望出去,

刚好透过敞开的窗户,

在裸露的枝条间

初生黎明之日,

在微风拂过泛起涟漪的湖面上

闪烁微光。

 

References

参考文献:略

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Washington, D.C.: Counterpoint.

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reparation and other Works: 1921–1945. U.S.A.: Delacourt Press/Seymour Lawrence. (1975), pp.

262–289.

Shibayama, Z. (2000). The Gateless Barrier: Zen Comments on the Mumonkan. Trans.: S. Kudo.

Boston, MA: Shambhala.

Stryk, L., Ikemoto, T. (1973). Zen Poems of China and Japan: The Crane’s Bill. N.Y.: Grove Press.

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文章来源:Journal of Religion and Health, Vol. 43, No. 3, Fall 2004 (Ó 2004)

智悲翻译中心

译者:阿游

一校:圆怀

二校:圆悲